If time stopped right now I would be rather sad. I'm up late, thinking way too much and my boys, growing ever so fast are asleep along with the dad.
Not sure what we'd do - would I go wake them - they'd probably tell me to get some sleep and say that I'm crazy.
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Crazy is the word that everyone likes to use when they describe me. It's no wonder that they are not quick to believe me when I tell them that time stopped.
My youngest, my sweet little boy - not so little - is challenging everything his dad and I ever taught him. I understand his need to separate from us to form his own ideas but this process is hard. It's painful. It's sad.
I would hope that once things settled down that they would realize that time stopped and that we had time to talk, to enjoy each others company. No more errands, no more school (I'm sure they will be thrilled) and no more doctor's appointments.
If time stood still would it heal? Could it heal? Would I be able to love on my boys enough for them to remember what it was like before the job loss, the home loss, the struggling to make even the minutest ends meet? Would they remember they used to laugh and not worry?
Right now it's quiet. It's easy to get carried away with selfish thoughts and what ifs.
I'd rather choose when time stopped. I'd want it to be a perfect joyous family moment. One where we were all in a nice comfortable home, spending time just hanging out together, laughing, talking, and not worrying.
The eldest son wouldn't worry about getting into college and fears of the unknowns of adulthood would vanish.
The youngest wouldn't worry about talking to girls or about the existence of God.
My husband wouldn't worry about finding a job or providing for his family.
I wouldn't worry about all of them.
Maybe if time stood still we could just BE. Be in the now. Be in the moment of here.
A couple of moments I would love to freeze:
- The moment I held my boys for the first time
- The moment I said I Do to my husband
- The moment I hiked up to Vernal Falls for the first time by myself
- The moment both boys said Mama and I love you
- The moment I first held my husbands hand
- The first step
- My first kiss
- When I knew I was in love
- When Eldest son held Youngest son in his arms for the first time
- When both boys thought they could do anything - no limits, no fears,
- Hearing my husband play his guitar
- Staring into my husbands eyes
- Singing "Silent Night" to my boys
- Holding a sleeping baby close to my heart
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